But of course none of my entries are actually just random accounts of my daily activities, I have twitter for that. My blog entries are for my ‘deeper’ thoughts, aka my longer complains/opinions. The simple joy that I get drinking hot chocolate  just gave me the thought that most of the happiest and most memorable moments in my life are just due to simple things.

When I was 14, I bought Usher’s Confessions album and there was a song called Simple Things. That song was special to me because it was the first time I ever paid attention to the simple things. Granted the simple things Usher meant in the song was about relationships but I still like how it can be applied to everyday life. ‘Why do we make something so easy so complicated, searching for what’s in front of our face’. At that time, I just told myself to be more appreciative to the people around me. But listening to the song now gives me a different feeling.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit, how do I say this, umm…inadequate? Through my time in primary and secondary school, I was always active in something. Being good in something or winning competitions kinda defined me. Now that I’m in university, I’m not doing much of anything really. I spent my time studying or trying to find some interesting event to attend and that’s it. No competition, no club activities no nothing. I honestly feel kinda empty. Okay, I think I’m a bit off topic here but the thing is, I have a fear that when I grow old and look back at my life, all I can see is a whole lot of boring. I always feel like I need to do something big to make interesting and important memories in my life. But then I’ve realized that it’s not the big events or anything of the like that gives me the fondest memory, it’s actually the simple things. Silly, insignificant things like eating behind the teacher’s back in class, skipping after school activities with my best buddies, rapping to Eminem’s the real Slim Shady with my sister and making cake with my brother. They all form such vivid memories in my mind and they make me happy. And that’s what memories that are worth keeping should do, they should make you happy.

So who cares if I’ve never attended a junior UN forum or represented my country in karate or what not, the simple things that happened in my life that put a smile to my face probably mean more than any of those things anyway. I don’t need to make things complicated, the memories that I want to make are just in front of my face and they’re special not because they made me an important person or anything, but because I shared them with the people that I love.  So, yeah, Usher, good song.

Wow, this is a sappy post but I guess I can be sappy, at times.

Ever since I arrived at Melbourne 2 months ago, I’ve had lots of time to think by myself since I don’t live with  my friends. A lot of alone time to reflect on my life and reevaluate my values and principles. Yeah, this is the beginning of a long and boring post about my thoughts on life so click the close tab now, I won’t be offended, seriously. Anyway, you know how some people say high school never ends, well it is kind of true. Coming to university I was expecting to be surrounded by intellectual minds but turns out everyone pretty much behaves like high school students. Bitching, back stabbing, acting like sluts/man whores to gain popularity points are still hip. I expected the partying and drunk fests but seriously, gossiping about each other, I am ashamed of myself, I should be better than that. Hello! I am an adult now. But then again, does turning 20 really make me an adult? I feel this constant pressure to act a certain way, to be all wise and stuff knowing that I’m officially out of my teens. But no matter how much I’ve changed physically, somehow mentally I still feel like a kid. I get excited when I see Spongebob on TV, I love visiting Toys R Us, I read Darren Shan, I like zoos and teddy biscuits and I like to ride my bicycle around the park. I know people will tell me that’s okay, it doesn’t make me less of an adult and I believe them, I’m not trying to hide the fact that I love doing those things. But it’s the things that I don’t do that make me feel like I am still a kid. Like how I don’t party like an animal, don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t stay out too late, don’t hook up and don’t get wasted. I know I am better off without doing those activities anyway but in a  way I feel like I’m missing out on a big part of my university life and the passage to my adulthood is incomplete. Sounds weird but I always had this notion that if I get wasted then I’ll be considered a grown-up. Haha, now it sounds really stupid once I typed it out.

But I guest I got this idea from all those stupid low cost movies that I watch about coming of age (American Pie). The thing I learned is how you define an adult is purely up to you. To me, so far being an adult means being able to do the right thing, standing up for what you believe in, not letting anyone shake your principles, learning to truly care about the people close to you, learning who’s your true friends and who’s just using you and having a strong spiritual connection to yourself. A lot of things have happened prior to my birthday that have made me question my values and what I believed in. It made me see things in a different light and in many ways have helped me grow as a person. I have made a lot of mistakes in the past and I will continue to make new ones but that doesn’t make me less of an adult as long as I learn from them. So that’s what growing up is all about, being able to move on and be better person everyday. Gosh, I’m babbling now but I’m a bit enthusiastic today. Oh! Knowing what’s important to you and what makes you happy is really important too. Trying to live up to other people’s standard of coolness and gaining their acceptance is so high school, everyone knows they’re only as cool as they think they are. There is always gonna be people who think so highly of themselves that they think everyone else should live their life like them, act like them, talk like them and probably shit like them too. Well, tell these people to look into the mirror and ask themselves why are they such losers?

So the main thing is to stay true to yourself, if you ever start to doubt your decisions, take a step back and reflect upon what’s important to you. That’s what I’m learning to do. Becoming an adult means lots of decisions too so better start practicing before I really eff up something big. But, I want to hold on to the part of me that likes kiddie stuff, like retaining my childish charm. Haha, charm. You can never take life too seriously, where’s the fun in that? Sometimes, actually a lot of times, it’s better just to laugh things off like a kid and have fun with your life, we only live once or so they say.

To add on something by Dr. Seuss,  ‘Adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them’.

Until my next post (hopefully not too long from now), cheers!

When I look at the world today, I can’t deny that market economies have done wonders for countries. Just look at Russia and how developed it is now. The rich are getting richer and MNCs are rapidly taking over the world but the poor are getting poorer too and their numbers are increasing non-stop. There are people who live in so-called ‘rich and developed’ countries that sleep on the streets and beg for money from passerby to buy a meal to keep them alive, people who sell their organs to support their family or people who leave their daughters to die on the street because they cannot afford to support them *think India*. Where is justice in that? What are governments doing about that? What happened to equality? When I see these people, I’m reminded of how unfair market economies are and under communist rule, these people would probably be a lot better off.

So the main question is, should countries practice market economy that allows a minority of people to be rich or communism that ensures that everyone is fed and have a roof over their heads in the expense that no one would ever get rich no matter how hard they work?

Personally, I think that decisions should be made that benefits the majority of society and that is usually the poor (not including countries like Switzerland and Sweden). However, I’m sure the richer part of society will be stomping their feet yelling “TYRANNY!!!” I too have a strong conviction that the people should have absolute say when it comes to the ruling of a country, it is the people after all that make the country but when the voice of country is controlled by upper-class citizens, a market economy wouldn’t do much good for anyone else other than them. I know it’s inevitable but I can’t stand the injustice and the ridiculous wealth gaps, it doesn’t make sense. I think  the main culprit is the ignorance of mankind to care for our fellow brothers and sisters.

I know I’m ranting. It’s my first post in half a year and I’m ranting about economic systems, you probably want the last 5 minutes of your life back…lol anyway I’m just happy to finally get this off my chest.

It really annoys me when someone asks me why I choose to do something that they won’t ever in a gazillion years do. I think it’s a dumb question to which I would love to say,”because  I’m not you, moron! I’m me, we’re different and we do different stuff! For the love of pies, GROW A BRAIN!”

I think people who ask me questions like that are people who think they’re cool and that only things they do/like/hate are acceptable in human society where everyone is a cheap version of everyone else. Like say, they like flirting with guys on weekends while I like to attend talks on global issues, so that makes me a loser. I am a  loser because I’m interested in world issues, I am a loser because I actually care about what’s going on, I am a loser for not being ignorant, I am a loser for not living in my own little delusional world where what happens to the world has nothing to do with me, I am a loser because I’m wasting my weekend on a boring activity when I could be burning my cash in the mall. Wow, I’m a really big LOSER! I better dig a hole and hide in there until I become ‘cool’ and ‘air-headed‘ ‘acceptable’.

I know I sometimes judge people and call them weird when they do something that’s un-normal to me (I’m trying to change that, really I am) but still having people asking me why I choose to do things that are uncool to them is so annoying it’s almost unbearable. There’s nothing wrong if we don’t share the same interest or the same views on life, but making fun or giving faces to someone because they are different from you is just plain shallow. I personally find it really offending when people make fun of my family values just because their family isn’t as close knitted as mine. I call my parents on a daily basis because I actually enjoy talking to them and I spend weekends with my family and not hoping from club to club with my friends because I like spending time with them. Just because you don’t report to your parents on your daily activities (which I willingly do everyday) because you want to exert your independence (whatever…) doesn’t make me lame. We have different priorities, that’s all. It’s nature’s law that no two person are ever identical in mind or in spirit. (hmm, sounds deep)

So, the conclusion is, grow up and stop thinking that there’s a standard to measure normal-ness among people because whatever is it that you consider to be normal, it never is.

p.s. it’s not lame to participate in charity events or trying to do your part in this hostile world, I think it’s rather coolio

Anyway, the point is when I was about to finish the book, I noticed that a lot of my female classmates are also reading it and going ga ga over the super sexy, super smart and perfectly extremely super fine Edward Cullen. Jeez, I really have to stop this mindless obsession of mine before I further embarrass myself. Then I started hating the book, weird I know, but I have this unexplainable natural reaction to dislike anything that the majority likes (like High School Musical for example, I just don’t get what’s so great about that dumb movie). It probably makes me feel special, to hate everything that everyone else likes or maybe I’m just wired differently. I started despising the book, it felt so overrated to me and all of a sudden I feel like a person who I’ll usually make fun of, I felt like like a sell out (you know, like Avril but that’s just my opinion). I really wanted to stop reading it before I turn into a mindless zombie who thinks that if everyone else likes it, then it must be great but the temptation to finish the book and find out what happens was too strong to resist so in the end Stephanie Meyer’s writing talents prevailed and I ended up finishing the book.

So there you have it, I lost. I’m officially a sell out. Okay, I’m being dramatic, I refuse to admit to the fact that the book is actually really good and that I have a soft side, urgh I’m being so…so…un-me…I still hate the fact that so many people like this book but I hate myself even more for being so drawn to it. But then again I’m contradicting myself since most of the books I read are mostly bestsellers, okay I don’t know where I’m going with this post. I don’t know how to put how I feelings into words….I need a mind check, this is probably one of the effects of reading Twilight. Edward has messed up my mind big time.

I need to forget about Twilight for now (although I’m listening to the movie’s official soundtrack) and tell you, my wonderful readers (if there are any) that I will be dedicating my next few posts to all things vampire. FYI, this has nothing to do with Twilight okay, I just love vampires in general.

Where can I find my own Edward? *sigh*

So, once again I have compiled a list of things you should know about east Malaysia especially Sabah since so many west Malaysians seem to have developed a misconception towards us.

1. We don’t live on trees or share our houses with Orang Utans just because Sabah is famous for their Orang Utan Wildlife Preserve. We have normal houses just like west Malaysians do, you know apartment complexes, bungalows and etc. Wow, you’re shocked, aren’t you? Don’t worry, take your time to digest this new piece of information, I know its hard to believe. *hurls* Anyhow, we do have long houses in the interior parts of the state that are occupied by our natives but before you can look down on them, they have Astro and their tradition and culture is way cooler than most I know. So, ’nuff said!
2. We have malls and highways and everything in between. You know malls, where people go to buy stuff, yeah we have that too. Here’s a picture if you want proof.



3. Our method of speaking Malay is not weird, your way is just wrong. I believe we’ve been thought how to pronounce our ‘a, e, i, o, u’ since kindergarden and ‘a’ is suppose to sound like ‘a’ not ‘e’.

4. We have Astro. We know what are sattelites. We have TVs in our home and we don’t just watch RTM and TV3, we have a life too, you know.

5. We lead our lifes in similar ways to west Malaysians. We hang out with friends, we like to drive around in our cars and we study the same syllabus in school. By the way, not all Sabahans are dark skinned, I’m no Snow White but I don’t think I’m dark either, more like a light shade of yellow or brown or erm some human skin color that isn’t dark.

6. We don’t feel isolated from the rest of the country. Even though Sabah and Sarawak are separated from the other states, we are perfectly happy where we are and I personally like it that way.

To all my west Malaysian friends who’s reading this post, no offence, okay guys? I’m sure not all west Malaysians are like these, just the annoying ones. Most of the west Malaysians I’ve met are really cool and I still love you guys and I don’t mind answering questions on my state, just make sure you don’t ask anything stupid.

I don’t know if anybody else feels the same way since some people turn on their radio at such a small volume all you can hear is a low buzzing sound. Anyway, here’s a list (I’m rather fond of making lists, don’t you think?) of a few songs that I could come up with in the spur of the moment that might cause some uneasiness when heard with your parents in the car.

1. Katy Perry – I Kissed A Girl

I bet you were expecting this weren’t you? I mean how could I not include this into my list after the amount controversy and publicity it generated. It’s almost like every teenager’s anthem of the year with it’s catchy tune and suggestive lyrics. But no matter how good it is, it’s definitely not the best song to listen to with your folks around. I’m sure my mom would glare at me suspiciously if she hears me singing this song cause let’s face it, the ‘rents don’t really get the whole ‘gay’ thing and to them it’s a major no no to kiss a girl (if you’re a girl) and then like it.

2. Nine Inch Nails – Closer

I won’t have to explain why you shoud never NEVER listen to this song with your parents after you hear it. I find this song amazingly addictive and I bet certain couples do to but I don’t think any parent would want to know their child is listening to it. With it’s more than blunt chorus singing the words “I want to f*** you like an animal, I want to feel you from the inside”, just knowing the existence of this song would make parents faint, well at least I think it’ll make my mom faint.

3. 50 Cents – Candy Shop

“I’ll take you to the candy shop, I’ll let you lick the lollipop, go ‘head girl don’t you stop, keep goin ’til you hit the spot” Uhh…Okay, the word ‘lollipop’ is open for interpretation but I’m sure you know what it means and I’m pretty sure your parents know what it means to, no matter what a prude they can be sometimes so this song is best avoided in the presence of the ‘rents.

4. The Veronicas – Take Me On the Floor

I’m so addicted to this song right now but I sure won’t want to hear it with my parents, especially my mom, again. It’s not just the title ‘take me on the floor’ woohoo but more over there’s a part where they sing ‘I wanna kiss a girl’ again and again before being followed swiftly by ‘I wanna kiss a boy”. As I mentioned before, gay and parents don’t mix, or in the case of this song, bisexuality and parents don’t mix well. I can imagine my mom pulling a face and saying “this is disgusting!“. So, yeah unless your parents are like super cool, this song is a no no.

5. Martin Gaye – Sexual Healing

I chose this song not for the sake of my parents but for the sake of myself. I’m not sure if other parents like it but my parents sure don’t have a problem listening to it in the car though I can say the opposite for myself. I don’t understand why I can listen to Kelis singing bout her ‘milkshakes’ without feeling the least bit disgusted (I rather like it by the way) but everytime I hear this song I’ll cringe. Maybe it’s the thought of someone from my parents’ generation singing sexual songs that really creep me out when people of that time should be singing bout hills and valleys (remember The Sound of Music?). Or maybe it’s the way Martin Gaye sings it according to my sister’s opinion. No matter the reasons and how ridicolous they might sound, I won’t suggest anyone to listen to it with or without their parents.

Well I could go on typing a whole list full of songs that you should never play with your parents in the car but I won’t since I’m wayyyyy too lazy to continue and my eyelids are betraying me, plus I’m sure you can come up with an unending list youselves. But as a closing to this rather insignificant post, if you happen to be in a car with your parents and the radio happens to play one of these songs, I suggest you just look out the window pretending like you’re not listening to it and pull an emo face to make it more convincing.

Malaysian Islamic party to protest rocker Lavigne concert

1. I actually make my own bed every morning (including weekends!) consistently. This is a habit mommy dearest had been trying to force instill into me since I was 7, who knew I’ll actually do it voluntarily everyday even without someone nagging me. It’s almost like…magic. Either that or my mom actually installed a ‘make-your-bed’ microchip inside my brain before I left home.

2. I’m now the self proclaimed queen of microwave. Since students are not allowed to cook in the apartment cause y’all know how clumsy students can be and how that clumsiness can cause us to eventually burn down the entire apartment complex, I have thought myself the methods of cooking with a simple, probably very cheap microwave. Who knew you could cook eggs, sausages and even pasta with that lil’ thing? After cooking with only a microwave for 18 months, I can probably write my own cook book – Microwave cooking 101 for the Lazy Cool College Student. Or I can have my own TV show and be the next Rachel Ray of Malaysia.

3. I do my own laundry and dishes, with my bare hands. It’s times like these when I’m forced to do my own chores that I miss my maid the most. What I would give to have my own washing machine and dish washer here. My poor poor hands are all wrinkly and dry. Don’t tell me it teaches me independence and all that crap okay cause nobody would do their own dishes or wash their own clothes if they had a choice.

4. I take public transport on a daily basis. Does the school bus count as a public transport? It is isn’t it? I mean you have to share it with a bunch of people you’ll probably won’t ever talk to. I hardly took the public transport back home, except when I’m going on a field trip. I used a lot of money on taxis, buses and monorails and most of the time they aren’t comfortable. I really miss my car!!! It is really annoying to have to cram with a bunch of people especially those with bad BO for half an hour just to get to my destination.

5. I go out on school nights. When I was still in my home town, I rarely go out with friends on school night since I’m such a good girl. Now I started going for movies with friends even though I have school the next day. Okay, you probably think I sound like a dork, like what’s the big deal right? You’ve been doing that like forever. Well, I’m not use to it and it’s something new to me. I’m a pretty grounded person and I usually prefer to stay home with a good book. Okay, haha, you can start calling me a loser now.

So I know you were probably hoping to read about more dramatic changes like how I got a dragon tattoo on my left shoulder blade or how I started DJ-ing at the hottest club in town. But, nope, your stuck with this instead. I wish I can post something more interesting but truth is I’m still waiting for that something interesting to happen to me. Until then, ciao.